So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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