Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
