ugly people sure do ruin things
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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