Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
