my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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