saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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