I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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