I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize