Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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