My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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