i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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