Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
