Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
