Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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