I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
