Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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