She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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