I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
