My entire life is one complicated drinking game
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
50% drunk capacity currently
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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