Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
