you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
