Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize