Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
