Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
