These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
