no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
