Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
