I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
