Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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