I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
