So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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