evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
