Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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