kristin has been a bad kristin
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
