Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
