i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
