She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
