He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
