Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
