If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
