Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
