I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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