It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
