No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
