I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
