Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
