They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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