TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
