So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
