After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
