I heard we made out
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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