I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
