Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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