I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
